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Monthly Archives: May 2017

It was almost 12 years ago when we first met. I went to your gigs as an assignment from my boss, feeling annoyed because 1) I had fever 2) I didn’t like your band. 

I didn’t know your name. But a friend of mine seems bit too excited and she asked me to help her to have a picture with the band. And you’re the only one who accepted the request. 

Do you remember all of the silly questions you asked me? And I was so annoyed by your friendliness. 

Then we met again. I brought my tele, and while I was trying to capture the moment your band playing the songs, you gave me the big smile. At that time, it felt different. It was like your happiness is so contagious and I smile back at you. 

Through many hiccups in our relationships, these ridiculous  moments keep intact in my mind:

1) When you forgot to pick me up from Gambir because you play football  and I was crying in bajaj,  feeling like shit..

2) When you were having motorcycle accident and didn’t pick up my call because I was with somebody else..  

And now here we are. Do you remember when we didn’t have any penny left after our wedding reception? It felt so bitter back in the days, and looking where we stand right now.. it felt so content. 

We are so different, and many times it is so exhausting.. But when we finally make amends with ourselves for the sake of our son, I know that we were made to compliment our flaws. 

I love you, Al.. 


I used to have that odd feeling. Back in the days, Bobo Magazine were the hottest thing in my life (before Gadis or Kawanku took the honour). There is a 2 pages of short story, that I love to read. Each edition has different story. But the sense remains the same. Warmth and peaceful. It was like I were there, experiencing what the characters had. 

Blissful afternoon. That’s what I called those sense. 

The same sense rushing to my vein each time I saw an art deco architecture. Those old houses  near Pasteur, with street named after good deeds, bring back memories I’ve never had. 

And lately, I remember 11 years ago almost each weekend I travel to Jakarta. Blora. Just to see him. I don’t know why those memories come up again. Probably because we’re having our wedding anniversary in couple of days.. Maybe.

I stop at Blora. Waiting for him to pick me up. Sometimes we went to Tebet, or Brawijaya. Riding his yellow motorcycle or brown vespa. Experiencing Jakarta in the afternoon with him. Traffic jam and pollution even felt romantic. Yes I’m a hopeless romantic. 

And first pitstop is Brawijaya. Big house, lush with greenery, dark, and lots of people were there. It was a studio after all. We were spent hours in the studio, with me doing nothing aside from waiting for him to wrap up his band recording session, which mostly ended up past midnight. 

Then we off to Tebet. His band basecamp. Another second story room. Old tube, worn out DVD, dusty fan, and super hot. 

Each travel eventually must end with us saying goodbye. He’s usually cool and just leave me at Blora. But me, I’m suck at goodbye. Sometimes I cried. And whoever sat beside me, must be confused lol. 

Blissful afternoon. Everything gonna be fine. Feel the warmth. Maybe it’s your heart telling you that everything gonna be fine. 

A friend of mine is going through a divorce. Messy, I suppose, judging from the way she handled her social media. I’m sad for their children, although some of my friend’s children are turn out to be the bigger person in the whole devastating process. 

Then it got me thinking, does every divorce has to be messy? To be honest, once in a while I’m thinking about taking divorce, and quite frankly I feel liberated. I have the utmost confidence that I’m gonna be okay shall I join the same road. 

The cost of divorce is not cheap either. I Google and found that a lawyer could cost you approximately IDR 25 mio. A  good one cost much bigger fortune, IDR 65 mio. Aside from the expenses, you also have to sacrifice your time to deal with the process itself. 

Some of my friend made a deal to not to come to the trial in order to speed up the process. Mom said that’s the best way to have a divorce. 

Anyway.. Just what I mentioned above, that adult on their divorce process, most of the times turn out to be childish. I have one friend who up until now (6 years I guess) haven’t told his parents that he and his ex is no longer bound by marriage. Another decided to post each gruesome facts about his soon to be wife in the social media. Not to mention those who keep their child from their mother or father.. 

How about the child!? Well, apparently they are okay. At least in the surface. And I’m thanking God for giving those little pure soul such a big heart. Being the shoulder to cry on for their parents, being a diligent student at school. And most importantly, it’s business as usual, yep being a happy kid. 

And now the big question is do I feel I need to have a divorce. Not now I guess. Though sometimes, this marriage feels more like a torture, I think my pain tolerance is still bearable. Yet I have an exit plan, on how to do the divorce, how to have a life post divorce, etc. 

For some people, it will be considered to speak ill. But for me, prep is what makes everything on track and I find comfort in order. As my mom said, nothing immortal in this world, including your husband love for you.. 

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