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Most people told me that I tend to complicate everything. Some said I’m exaggerated. I’m not the type of person who dare to talk back. So, I prefer to just smile.

I remember Sang In famously said that when people told her not to over-thinking stuff, she tends to think not to over-thinking stuff. Hence, the issue is more complicated. That’s what I feel all the time.

In my head, there are lot of worst case scenario. So many what if. Dozen of fears. Countless anxiety. And it’s so overwhelming.

Anxiety. I know the term so well yet I have no clue on how to solve the depressing feeling.

Many times I dare myself just to leave everything behind. Focus on my baby. Go back to what I’m good at, which is writing. But to raise a baby, I need money and what I got from writing maybe adequate if I am still single or having a rich husband to support our expenses.

We are struggling. Both me and my husband. And I don’t have the courage to let him as the sole breadwinner. I just don’t.. Because I know the number. And I can’t let my mother having another breakdown because I’m choosing to be  a stay home mom. I just can’t..


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