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Pregnancy makes me do imposibble thing.
I quit smoking and drinking coffee. Routines that I did everyday and help me through days and nights. I dont have social life, I’m a homebody. I mean I have couple of friends, but that’s it. We meet occasionally, due to our hectic schedule. Mingling ain’t mandatory in my life. I get bored easily in a crowded place. That’s more his thing. I like being at home, watching tv, or simply just surfing the internet.

But now, with a hard-to-please-baby in my arm, everything change. Well, basically my whole life is changing. And it suck. Now I know how precious is social life, or to be exact.. Me time. I miss sitting alone in a cafe while enjoying my cup of cappucinno and smoking my white lights. Well, I can do the first and second, maybe I need to wait for 2 years to do the latter. I have maid. She can take care my baby for one to two hours, but I can’t let that happen. My heart won’t.

Everytime I would do that.. I see my baby and my heart sunk. I’m on maternity leave, it’s like a ticking bomb, because it’s so short. I want to have as many times I could with him. But when my husband decide to go out, either work or simply as seeing his friends’s exhibition, I feel jealous.

One day, my baby won’t sleep and he decided to go watching movies with his friends. Some sort of art things and his manager told him so. Off he go, and then pouring rain so hard. Worry me text him, “Ujan!” I said, as a warning for him since the event is held outdoor. In return, he send me picture of him and his girl friend wearing rain coat, all wet, and looks so happy. WOW! I am mad as hell. He’s out there having fun. While I’m here with crying baby that won’t sleep. It’s so unfair. And I cry.

You see, that’s the thing. No matter how hard I’m denying, it’s true. Having child will make marriage feel like a job. Harsh reality. Everynight you lack of sleep, trying to put baby to sleep in his own crib (this is hard to do) while he’s sleeping until daylight. And off he go meeting friends. He ask me not to smoke, while he puff ciggie. He told me to use cloth diaper which makes me change it lot of time and it’s tiring, while he’s there chatting with his friends talking about work and fun things.

Unfair. Unfair. Unfair.

Today he’s going to another art exhibition. Maybe I just cant stand it anymore, so I said harsh thing, while our maid was there. He’s mad. Well I’m mad also. And now we’re not talking to each other. Very mature, eh!

Well, that’s the story for tonight.

And yes, you’re welcome future self.

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