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Monthly Archives: August 2010

Bagi saya, mencari teman itu susu pabeulit alias sulit.
Dulu, saya (merasa) punya teman baik, ternyata bukan.
Yang saya pikir baik, eh ternyata enggak juga.
Yang saya pikir enggak oke, eh ternyata emang enggak oke, sih.

Pokoknya saya anti dengan kata ‘teman baik’ atau ‘bff’, sebab pada akhirnya definisi itu menyempitkan pikiran juga hati. Jadi lebih baik tingkatan yang saya pilih adalah teman.

Teman bagi saya adalah yang menerima saya apa adanya. Ya ya ya.. Saya tahu itu basi. Tapi, mau gimana lagi? Basi is sexy. Halah.

Maksud dari menerima saya apa adanya adalah dia santai ketika saya berbicara kasar, yang memang habit saya. Dia cuek ketika saya memanggil dia, “Nying”, “Nyet”, “Babi”, dan kata-kata yang bagi sebagian orang adalah ketidaksopanan.

Menerima saya yang tak punya malu berbicara hal tabu. Ya, saya adalah orang yang bisa ngomong, “Ngewe” tanpa merasa jorok atau kasar. Ngewe ya ngewe, tak lagi porno bagi saya. Yeah, count every nasty things you have in mind, I’m already numb.

Menerima saya yang grasa-grusu, serba panik, dan dipenuhi target.
Menerima saya yang serba galau dan nyaman dengan kebodohannya dalam masalah percintaan. Menerima saya yang suka ngomong sendiri. Menerima saya yang sangat random dan loncat-loncat alias tidak fokus. Menerima saya yang sensitif dan tidak percaya diri. Menerima saya yang penuh keraguan. Menerima saya yang cerewet dan hobi bitching tiada henti.

Intinya menerima sisi buruk saya.

Hari ini, saya baru tahu orang-orang yang saya percaya ternyata menjelekkan saya. Tentunya di belakang, dong. Mana berani di depan. Hehehe. Kebiasaan buruk mereka dan saya juga hehehehe..

Saya? Biasa saja karena sudah biasa. Tak lagi terkejut. Karena sudah terasa dan tertebak. Well, what can I say, people who talks with you are talking about you.

Solusinya mudah.
Mereka bukan teman saya lagi. Iya, saya pendendam. Dan, bisik-bisik di belakang itu saya jadikan bahan introspeksi.

Yang lucu, beberapa dari mereka baiiiik sekali pada saya, akhir-akhir ini. Haha. Palsu deh, ah. Memang orang yang punya dosa suka melakukan hal-hal menggelikan.

Di balik semuanya, hari ini saya merasa beruntung.
Saya masih punya teman-teman lain di luar sana. Tidak terkungkung dalam pergaulan kubikel yang sempit. Merayakan ulang tahun dua orang teman kuliah bersama teman-teman kuliah. Yeah, pada akhirnya memang hanya waktu yang bisa membuktikan sekuat apa saya dan mereka berteman. Mereka kuat berteman dengan saya, semenyebalkan apapun saya, pun sebaliknya. Semoga kuat selalu. Ada mereka, saya bahagia. Semoga mereka bahagia juga. Amiiiiin.

Oh iya, semoga mereka yang menjelekkan saya segera punya kehidupan yang lebih menarik. Nampaknya hidup mereka sungguh gengges. 🙂

Yellow roses and lily for G

D bday bash

Sekian bitching dalam postingan katro untuk malam ini.

p.s.: happy birthday @gadismarathon dan @devishanty


I’m a person who talk to herself, and I think it’s genetic. No, people, I’m saying it out loud. Sometimes only in my heart, many times I can resist myself mumbling words.

Monologue that keep happening nowadays is, “Are we there yet?” repeatedly. Just like a scene on a movie, where a man taking his girlfriend’s kids to somewhere, and spoiled brats keep asking, “Are we there yet?” in a high pitch mode. Annoying.

Yes, I’m asking when will I get there. By there, I mean, having my own family plus nice home or apartment and nice car to ride.

Oh and my beloved friend reminding me. Her birthday is today. Happy bday, G!! She’s freaking out. “26, geez, sounds adult enough for me,” she said.

Yep. 26 is a new chapter to be written for. And oh my eyes, my eyes, all I could see is my high school and college friends got hitched, babies or toddlers on the grip, and where am I? Single, a dashing one, at least I have career to built in. But still, that aint enough. Well, there will never be enough, though.

26 is scary. I have 4 years left before I leap into 30-ish that eekkkss moi. Oh crap. One thing that I will never ever tired questioning is why the hell I badly wanna get a ring on my finger and changing vow. I don’t want kids, for sure. Nicole (antm cycle 13) said too much changing diapers make our head gone loopy.

Maybe, because I want to make my parents happy.
And that’s my friend, is a very wrong reason to get married.
Uh huh! Totally 😀

I wanna be 25 for the rest of my life.
25 is ISH but fabulousity sparkling from every side.
My golden age! Should be silver, but what the heck.


So my friend, I, picked random taxi out of the blue while Blue Bird was passing right in front of us. I was scared, even when I’m still outside.

I didn’t even know what cab I was riding on. By the time, we closed the door, the cab driver asked us (not where we headed) “Islam, Kristen?” What the fuck was that. My friend answered “Islam.” And he shouted, “Assalamualaiku wa..” asked us to finish the sentences.

Then he kept talking, I meant shouting about how lucky he was that we picked his cab instead Blue Bird. “Yeah, you’re lucky, I’m scared as shit.” By the way, we already told him that we’ll go to Guntur then Tebet. But, ciiih.. no wonder, he passed my friend’s route. So we have to make a turn, and bluntly he said, “Well, my fee is getting bigger because you guys forgot to tell me where to drive.” Aaaarghh.

My friend safely arrived at her home. Now there’s me. And he kept talking and talking. You know I got lost easily, not to mention when someone blurring my concentration, say hello to maze of Lostville.

I contact my friend, G, via bbm. And she asked me, “What’s the taxi number?” Surprise, there is no identity whatsoever on the cab. Fuck!

U know what happen next?
The olskul trick. Curhat.
I’m sick, didn’t have money, my wife was a slut, blablabla..
Then, here comes the worst part, he preached about virginity. “You know, my wife is a hooker. She’s been used by cops and civil servant. She’s not a virgin when I’m marrying him.” I said, “Then why did you marrying her?” He stupidly said, “Well, I fucked her and she got pregnant, I’m unlucky man.”

Iiiiihhhh.. What the fuck cobaaa?!
What a prick. And I had no energy, didn’t wanna waste any energy I had left, so I answered plainly with a simple yes and oh.

Apparently, he had more things to dish.
He said, “Are you a virgin?”
Whaaaat? Who are you? Where’s your manner? Moreover, did you have brain on your bald head?!
What the IH!!

I said, “None of your business.” which supposedly shut his mouth. But the cab driver kept preaching, and said, “Whoever fuck u first, u should sue him so he’ll marry you.”
Another eeeeek from me!!!
What the fuck.. You have a messy life, don’t you dare put an arrogant opinion about others. D’oh! But he’s a cab driver, a liar who told me had 20 millions, fuck u, prick!

Scary lunatic cab driver!

In the end tarif bawah couldn’t buy you comfortness, I will never ever ride random cab 😦 nuff said, I’m still scared now. Thank’s God, I’m safe and sound..


Say you love me all around the world
Stay and hug me all around the world
Be yours a boy or be mine a girl
Just say you love me
Please, please say love me

Say You Love Me-Simply Red

2.30 AM, and I’m still wide awake as usual. The difference for tonight is that I’m waiting for a call.
From a very dear friend of mine, who happens to have same problem with me lately.
48 minutes phone call, with Simply Red song as our soundtrack.
Her; crying, sobbing, couldn’t even finished her sentences, but I still listening, and she keep trying.
I’m sad.

We’ll heal, G..
We’ll be fixed..


Day 1 being single.
Couldn’t sleep, barely sleepy.
Chatting with couple people with hope that’ll ease me.
Some buzz, ping, following me in a sudden, and I don’t feel okay with it.
I don’t want to spare the dets, so I act as if I’m okay.
Got angry with someone. In the morning, that person deleted me from bbm.
Repeatedly listening to Mayer Hawthorne, last album he gave me, who turns out to be a broken heart song. An Education was another playlist.
Ceiling and wall, I hope you guys won’t get bored being stared by me.
Is it true that what we had is fake?
How can I not define what love is?
Why don’t he come to me?
What happen to me? To us?
I’m crushed inside out.

Who can see us better?
Other people it is..

And sometimes, you can find the horrid yet honest answer from.. you know.. the least expected one.

Who knows that defining what’s love or care or ikhlas could be that hard. What to expect when suddenly you realize that you are more than fucked up. You are just as shallow as other’s whom you teased. You’re nothing but a bunch of bull. Mortal mere who couldn’t even brave enough to be blunt about her true feeling.

Questioning silly questions, wandering about wondering, and else that less essential than the real thing. We are fucked up, shallow, wreck, trash, you name it. We have nothing.

Does the awful truth hurt me?
The hell it is.
Slap hard, Bitch. Slap slap slap slap slap slap. Slap!

But, I’ll be okay.


Tore out your life
Find the itsy bitsy, one that they called loopy life

Can you?

No can do..

She can only imagining Nai Harn
Sun that strikes her pores
Oily skin that dripping white cream
Beer that delighting the commemoration

Nai Harn..
I’m imagining taking you there, Love.

Dulu, kita sering mengalami hal-hal aneh.

Misalnya kita janji bertemu di rumahmu usai kamu pulang kerja. Jam 5 sore, aku sudah berjalan kaki dari Sekeloa sampai seberang Gasibu. 15 menit kemudian, yes I know I’m a slow walker, aku sudah siap-siap mencegat angkot orange. Caringin, menuju Cibeunying.

Susah sekali mendapatkan angkot yang kosong. Lama sekali aku berdiri di pinggir jalan. Sampai akhirnya dapat juga Si Angkot Orange itu. Aku duduk berhimpitan dengan jubelan penumpang di kursi irit memanjang.

Ada suara laki-laki, “Ade.. Ade..”
Ih, cowok iseng. Masih musim, Mas?!
Tapi, laki-laki itu terus menyapa dengan nama panggilan dari kamu untukku.
Akhirnya aku menoleh. Dan, ternyata itu kamu.

Lalu, saat kita janjian di kostan-ku.
Aku siap-siap membeli tajil untuk kita berdua.
Kamu datang.
Dan, ternyata kita sama-sama membeli tajil yang sama. Hahaha, ada 4 bungkus cendol Elizabeth. Dan, kita tertawa.

Kamu bilang iya.

Sering sekali kita “bertubrukan” seperti itu. Sayang sekali, kita juga sering bertubrukan hingga aku terluka dan sekali hampir mati. Sayang sekali…

I’m a daydreamer,


I wanna have someone besides me every time I wake up, kissing his forehead, smelling his odor, hugging him for a minute rit on his butt, going home to him, coz he is my hometown, kissing his right hand, he kisses my eyelids, talk and talk with his silly voice, hug him again, cooking him dinner, watching DVD with him, groceries fix with him,  I wanna do everything with him, for the rest of my life,
Well what can I do, I’m a daydreamer,

The last time I reviewed an album was Efek Rumah Kaca debut album. So pardon me, I’m no one in music thingy, purely a listener. Don’t expect technical stuff, for I write this to my dear friend, Risa.

Ever since Risa sent me “Oh I Never Know”, her duet with @tulusm, I have assurance that her debut will be fantastic. Maybe, I took a different interpretation about the lyrics, but somehow I feel so close with this single. Risa’s voice, the way she sings along the gorgeous strings, made me wanna cry, a relieved one. And Tulus is not only a partner, his voice is so amazing and you know, giving me some kind of another reassurance of that scared-fragile-unsure feeling. ‘I’m gonna be okay.’ That’s my feeling everytime I listen to this song 🙂

Track number 3 is the first song I listened.
Question, remix version that mix-max my feeling. Dried up my emotion, you know, bitter sweet happiness. My whole early 20-ish life basically poured down on this (master)piece. And like it or not, Risa sang my once-a-lullaby better than the original version.

And how about Peter, who become my regular timeline nowadays? Well, whoever man or woman behind the arrangement, darn it, I give you big kudos. Creepy but cherie. Story about Peter definitely made this album (or mini album?) a breaktrough. Non of the elements reminds me of her band. She’s breaking the shell. It’s like playing around in some old rusty house I found near Bersih Sehat Bandung. I feel scared, yet ecstatic. Magnetic? Could be.

Bilur, what can I say, maybe for all of you who read @risa_saraswati twit, know the whole story behind this song, and it crushing my heart. But honey, Ris.. She must be proud out there having this song, it’s beautiful, you are a talented lyricist . And uhm, that traditional music, aint corny or ‘maksa’, meant to be there, blended as one.

Another tracks like Cut and Paste, Fighting Club, Perjalanan also stole my heart, but I don’t have more words to describe beside my absolute standing applause for Sarasvati. Fuck yeah, I’m proud of you 🙂

You ripped my heart and sew the teary pieces, so by the time I wake up, I know I’ll be fine.

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