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They say when you rely on hope and shit happens, you go down. But when you rely on hope, no matter what happen, you go on with your life.

But who doesn’t hope on something or someone. You hope someone will change, willing to understand, or better yet put you as priority.

I am.

Foolishly.

But wait, I have faith also.
I have both hopes and faith.
And those failed to make me feel, at least, act like nothing happen. Like when we ride bajay, incidentally hit a bumpy road, and u feel, “…” nothin. It’s only a bump, so what? I don’t die because of it.

But this is life, love included as the whole package. If u insist on not having it, the food gone bad on your tongue. So you eager to have love in your life, coz it’s spices things all around.

And I’m tired. Really do.
For being understanding while he doesn’t understand mine.
For being number 35931 on his priority.
For not able to speak clearly about my feeling and when I tried to, he didn’t get the exact meaning and confront me with whole other arguments that put me cornered and KO!
For being there whenever he needs me.
For being in love with him.

God!
I hope we could sip Sariwangi Tea and all of our (maybe my problems, according to him) problem vanished just like vapouring hot tea that blows by the air.

No. It doesn’t go that way.
Complicated.
Unsure.

I’m scared of imagining myself going to Phuket on what supposed to be our trip. What should I do? Hanging around with my friends who come with their partner? I need him, this is our vacation. Apparently, I’m the only one who thinks like this.

I hate you.
I loathe you.
I hate the facts that I still standing beside you with all of these bullshit about hope and faith. I despise you.
I hate your ego.
I hate everything in my love life.
I hate myself for not being able to express my feeling, this hating-bullshit is bullshit.

I’m just an option for you.
Not your priority,
Never be. Never will.

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