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Monthly Archives: April 2010

‘No problem’

And so many other words to describe a positive reaction towards other’s request. Quite simple. Bring happiness. Enlightning others.

But why is it so hard for someone to answer a request for help with YES. Is not that I ask too much, I rarely ask for help, if I could do it by myself. Why?????




“Kamu ga seasyik dulu.”


I passed Monday with some hot caramel on my armpit and my vagina. It got pulled hard by some tape. I heard a lot of girls would go hysterically screaming. But my ego lead me to not screaming at all. I bite my index finger and go hissing by swearing.

All I can think is, “So this is how the Japanese do that candle thingy while fucking.” Damn it’s hot yet painful, but felt good.

And now I’m bald.
I move backward to my pre-puberty, no hair. I’m happy.

I even made myself went home early, when day is still a day and sunset, there I can see it 😀 a rare occasion.

I bought some dvds.
As always. Cops, murder, alien, supernatural, drama themes. I’m happy I have them to watch and accompanying me while I’m alone.

My friend, LS, ping! me. She promised to do some card reading. Yes, I’m a fortune teller addict. I asked her about my job, upcoming vacay, and of course, love life. Boring-boring-boring, as you may say in your heart, but I’m boink-boink-boink jumping on the trampoline and smiling.

I’m not gonna tell the dets. But, all and all, my job is in a good condition. As always, unhappy prophecy of love life :p and something about the weather in Phuket. Haha.

On Friday, I’m gonna have my spa day. Last time I checked, I did it on 2006. So ‘Ewwww’ of me, ya? Well, screw me. At least now I have my me-time.

I wanna make myself happy by the things I like.

Cherioooo :p

I’m working at women’s tabloid.
We coverage everything that women needs.
Including, yeah, gossips.

Although gossip pages are only around 6. But people already dictate us as a gossip tabloid.

And like other office, we do have our own juicy doze of gossips.

I was there, hearing tit and tat. Many of the times, I spend lots of my time sharing latest ‘news’. My purpose? I’d like to know more about my office political map.

Sounds cheesy?!
I bet. But put yours into my shoes, u’ll get why I need to know things, including the forbidden one or perhaps some unreliable sources.

But then, I got tired.
Why do we have to waste our time into some rubbish talking about unimportant tales.
We didn’t get any raise or promotion because that absurd activity.

So, I rarely go lunch with them. Lunchy is the perfect time zone to gossip. Well, first of all I’m fully occupied with my new job desk. Somehow, I feel life is easier when I’m not around them.

You see, when you talk about someone else with someone, in the other room, where u didn’t exist, that someone is talking about u with someone else.

And now here I am, feeling dazed and confused. Literally, ketinggalan kereta, because I have no idea what’s the fuss on my office. But somehow I’m dazzlingly and confusingly happy without gossiping 🙂

Oh by the way, I’m writing an article about dealing with gossips in workplace. Care to buy and read my article on the tabloid? Worth to buy, lho. Since it come from someone who were once gossiping in the play land 😀

Today, I celebrate one of my besties bday, L.
She’s officially 26, but 19 on her soul. 😀

I’m a scorpio, sentimental one. She, on the other hand is an aries, the pure logical.

But we get along quite well. To be honest, I never have this kind of relationship before. I find it hard to have a long lasting friendship. So yeah, I’m happy 😀

I’m hoping she still could join Phuket trip on May. I bet it will be superb when she’s also there :p

Talking about Phuket. And all of our (me and my girlfriends) chitty chat back at Al-Azhar this nite, I’m thinking about taking my last straw towards my boyfriend.

Phuket it is. Yep, there goes my last straw.
I’m gonna do some deep thinking while I’m in Phuket, and away from him. Who knows, I could have more sane thoughts.

I wanna be happy all and out. It’s not that I’m a needy person, but I do really need someone I can count on, where as in him, I don’t find that quality, and other qualities. As I recall, I think he has the same opinion about me and our relationship.

I’m sure that he’s not sure about me.

So yeah, I’m gonna take my last straw.

By the way, my friend told me that I’m the most optimist person in the world, because I go out with someone for years, without no ring or stable future.

Great. What an irony. I could see myself laughing at myself 😥

I used to laugh them, the 25-ish people, especially woman who were worried about their future.

A wedding.
Marriage life.
Husband. Kids. Home.

Now I’m going 26.
And I’m anxious about my ‘future’ also. Yeah, who’s laughing now?! D’oh.

Couldn’t stop thinking about lotsa what-if.
I’m 26 this year, next year I’ll be 27, and then I wake up another year to celebrate my 28. Maybe, one day I’ll stop counting because I’m too tired, well I’m hoping another reason which is I don’t care about my future life. I’ll just go on with my life. Skeptical.

Maybe I won’t be able to finally say the ultimate words from Kasino when he saw a girl passing him by. He said, “Cewek ini ga bawa sial, pasti dia jodohku.”

Or finally singing Barbra Streissand “I Finally Found Someone” for real.

Maybe I won’t.
Oh well..

Dear you and your I’m-the-centre-of-universe

You make promises
Than you easily forget

I’m so careless
That I pretend you still remember

A music box you never gave me
Postcard you never sent me

The shame you have for putting my name
While I’m so fuckin proud of you

You and your fascinating math-count-of-my-quality-and-yours

Put some scotchtape in your bloody mouth
Kick you hard on your weird scrotum
Make a fine slices within your penis

Now that’s what I called a sweet reddish revenge

They say when you rely on hope and shit happens, you go down. But when you rely on hope, no matter what happen, you go on with your life.

But who doesn’t hope on something or someone. You hope someone will change, willing to understand, or better yet put you as priority.

I am.


But wait, I have faith also.
I have both hopes and faith.
And those failed to make me feel, at least, act like nothing happen. Like when we ride bajay, incidentally hit a bumpy road, and u feel, “…” nothin. It’s only a bump, so what? I don’t die because of it.

But this is life, love included as the whole package. If u insist on not having it, the food gone bad on your tongue. So you eager to have love in your life, coz it’s spices things all around.

And I’m tired. Really do.
For being understanding while he doesn’t understand mine.
For being number 35931 on his priority.
For not able to speak clearly about my feeling and when I tried to, he didn’t get the exact meaning and confront me with whole other arguments that put me cornered and KO!
For being there whenever he needs me.
For being in love with him.

I hope we could sip Sariwangi Tea and all of our (maybe my problems, according to him) problem vanished just like vapouring hot tea that blows by the air.

No. It doesn’t go that way.

I’m scared of imagining myself going to Phuket on what supposed to be our trip. What should I do? Hanging around with my friends who come with their partner? I need him, this is our vacation. Apparently, I’m the only one who thinks like this.

I hate you.
I loathe you.
I hate the facts that I still standing beside you with all of these bullshit about hope and faith. I despise you.
I hate your ego.
I hate everything in my love life.
I hate myself for not being able to express my feeling, this hating-bullshit is bullshit.

I’m just an option for you.
Not your priority,
Never be. Never will.

I never like road trip, meaning using car or bus. Unromantic, exhausting, and literally pain in the ass. Hehe.

Well I have one interesting road trip, back when I still working in Bandung with my colleague who I called Kakak. He decided that when we got back to Bandung, to use Pantura route.

Desert. Dry. A beach, rocky and filthy one. Now that interesting 🙂 I felt like I was in twilight zone haha.

Then here I am. Working in an unfriendly office hours. Really, I mean really exhausting both mentally and physically. Lucky for me, I have another colleague, R. He said, “We have to go on vacation, at least once in a year.” I said, “And the money come from???” He answered, “If you want it, you can have it. It’s cheap, no.. It’s priceless.”

December 2009, in the middle of my assignment of covering an editor who took a maternity leave for 3 months, I bought two tickets. Which destination? Phuket!

I bought two, coz my boyfriend wanna join the trip. Then my girlfriends decided to come along, so did my boyfriends. All I can think about is how awesome this trip would be. 😀

But nothing come easily, ait?
It was a bless that I got promoted as an editor. Along with that comes a duty, I have some obligation not to leave my job. Coz uhm.. I took 3 days off plus national holiday. Practically I will miss one edition. And I feel guilty. 😦

Short long story. I got my day off approved my boss.

But that’s not the end. One of my girlfriend couldn’t join the trip, because recently she just got a new job. Another girlfriend has little chance to come along, due the same reason. Well, I still hope they can make it. Fingers crossed.

So, are everything well set and done? Nope!!

Apparently, dearly boyfriend never tell his management about the trip. So the management already sign another gigs to play on the day we take vacation.

How does it feel?
First of all, it sucks. The fact that he didn’t care or brave enough to speak about this vacation, is really SUCKS. And I loathe him for this.

Did he apologized? No he didn’t.

I just don’t get how men thinks. And yes of course I cried. Not in front of him, mind you. I am really disappointed. Those negativity that I will not become his priority, now or later, strike back.

So I’ll be single in Phuket. That’s all I could think about, since all of my friends come along with their partner. Congratulation, C!

Anyone care to be my +1?
There’s a vacancy for vacation to be filled up 🙂

Yep, I finally decide in what kind I should investing.

Electronic household 🙂

Tonight I bought a dvd player.
My recent dvd player? I gave it to my mom. Hope she will enjoy all the movies she like, or at least having something to do rather than reading advertisement on newspaper. 😀

It’s Philips.
Black, small, twin optic. And yes, cheap. Haha.

My next target is buying flat tv. I always love how the tube presenting those moving images. Call me katro, but aint those tv such a beauty?!

All of this, right now are here in my rented room. But someday, I will bring them to my home or apartment? Well, let’s see what happen.

Catch u later, I have deadline on my office tomorrow and bunch of dvd to watch. Yaiy! 😀

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