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I used to love gigs.

I watched them closely. Screaming til my throat became sore. Taking dozens of pics. Leading me to a job (that put me where I am now).

I used to do interview with the band. Writing about them, reviewing their album and gigs, of course. Had all access to the backstage. I know who’s who in the circle, mingled with them (some of them are still my friends).

I learned the stupidest things. Smoking and drinking booze. I used to be the drunk biyatch who couldn’t stop puking. Embarrassing momento.

The energy, ah men.. I dig gig after gigs. The ultimate happiness. I even met my present boyfriend, and my exes on gigs (noted that I never want them at the very first place).

But then.. The light beamed out. Left one spotlight only for moi. But ain’t nothin good on it.

I felt so strange and everybody are (un)perfect strangers. I felt left out. “This isn’t me.’ quoting myself back then.

Gigs has become pretentious. I no longer able to bear with it. I don’t know what was I doing in that crowd. Even I do love music, I still couldn’t find the real me.

Even when Bjork came to Jakarta, I felt so empty. Like an endless hole. I scream, I laugh, yes I did what common people doing when they watching their favorite musician in stage, live in flesh and blood. But I didn’t happy.

So I stepped back.

Is it because I’m getting old that the phrase ‘if it’s too loud, then you are too old’ fit me perfectly?

Is it because I’m bored?

Is it because I finally know what I love the most?


And today, while everybody being so enthusiastic about a gig on twitter and bbm (yep! One person kept sending broadcast messages, as if I am idiot enough to know what’s the fuss is all about in one time), I felt like, “What? No biggie for moi. Stop sending the message.”

I never like being around them. Correction, I never like being in a crowd full of hello-and-goodbye friends. Wasting money that I earn so hard. Drunk heavily. Being the coolest and hippie of the hipster.

I rather be here. A small rented room with bunch of dvds. Quiet. No smokes that choking my lungs inside and out. I smoke at the foyer, with a dim of street light. I like this.

And I’m so glad. Really do. When one of my friends, made twitting a lot more interesting today. She’s like the antithesis, of all those people who puking on my time line about the gig and stuff. She’s vocalized my silent grunts.

“Sorry, I’m not *****a hag.” she tweeted (then she deleted it, no worry I’m fully understand why).

My friend’s latest album, “The Comfort Of My Own Company” is the oldie goodie sentences to describe my feeling rit now. I hope someone out there, who’s been complaining about my recent mood about gigs will understand this.

Aaaaah.. Gig, I used to dig you, now I loath you.



  1. *clingak-clinguk nyari translate-annya* πŸ˜€

  2. I used to be one, too. But now I think it’s more enjoyable to just enjoy those gigs behind the crowds, alone.

    I don’t think that they’re too loud for me, I just feel like I need ‘silence’ to enjoy them now. Hehe. How weird is that? πŸ˜€

    • It’s not weird, people have their own recipe to enjoy music, ait? πŸ™‚

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