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“You’re too panic.”

These are what I’ve been hearing from my SuperBoss (recently, this noon, in a private meeting between editors and managing editor after a weekly meeting) –> only a few meeting, usually I have 4-5 meetings –> thought the world should know, C. :p

My art director, Mbak N, witty one, nod her face (digitally on bbm) when I asked her is it true?

Yep. I admit it.
I’m easily tense.

For god’s sake, I dreamt about works.
In every moment, what burdening my head is questions of ‘what to do next?’

Think. Too much.

Not a very pleasant way to spend my time.

Well, couple of days ago, my so called ed-in-chief talking to me about reporters who doesn’t like me. I didn’t feel mad, really do. I just wanna laugh out.

Why?
1. The way they holding their grudge against me and how they handle problem. Such a wee 😀
2. Hey, I ain’t a hater. As what I said before, you may hate me for all wrong reasons, but I won’t hate you for silly reason like you did to me.
3. I’m not guilty. Why should I worried?

But that’s how giant company works. Conflict of interest. Office politics. Money and power. Your strategy how to play these certain obstacles (or opportunity) being tested.

I’m not saying I’m not interested, sure, both the money and gossips are juicy, who wouldn’t like these? I mean we’re human. But, bold this sentences. Doesn’t mean I care enough about these people who screw me in front of my boss to write down them here. I don’t care! For me, my relationship with them are totally professional in work. I’ll be objective, no personal feeling involved.

I just feel so blessed. God’s been answering my pray. All of the questions I had in my head. I sure am, 100% that God showing me who are those people, truly are.

And God leads me to another answer.

Back at the meeting, SuperBoss said, “As a company board manager, I don’t care about rumors. They may hate me. Hell, I don’t work for them, I work for *beep* and it’s my job to make this whole system works.”

Totally. I mean supaah dupaah agree.

Okay, let’s bounce to the very first reason why I write this piece.

Mbak N told me that my occasionally speaking to myself out of nowhere (like saying “fuck” or “aku sedih” or “tai babi emang”) is because (yes, guys) THE TENSE. Yep, I’m one hell of a weirdo.

I need to ease my mind. YES, I NEED THAT. Wait is there any 24 hours store which I could buy un-tense the tense? (I only know dumdum, haha)

She also said that I need to listen. Meaning, not all of my reporters could have my systematic-efficient-work-system. “Even though, THAT PERSON need one,” she said.

I should be more understanding about people and their personalities. I couldn’t weigh boss’s target on to them (although I’m also writing like I used to be, share the same loads). I have to listen. Hard, eh?

Last but not last, Mbak N told me to not think about boss’s judgment, or to be wrong nor failed.

So hard :’)

My whole life, I’ve been dictated my mommy about the importance of good grades. I think it stuck in my head, that I’ve been too care with what other’s thinking about me. I’m afraid to be a failure, I don’t like being lose in a battle, fortunately this make me a tough soldier 🙂 and I’m not a failure, if I got my editor’s license chuncked up, it’s okay. Truly okay with it. Though I need it for my next target of life. But hey, I always work as best as I can do.

Well, thank you SuperBoss and Mbak N. You really made my mind clear enough to walk down the road (again).

Nite, all :*

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