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Monthly Archives: March 2010

I used to love gigs.

I watched them closely. Screaming til my throat became sore. Taking dozens of pics. Leading me to a job (that put me where I am now).

I used to do interview with the band. Writing about them, reviewing their album and gigs, of course. Had all access to the backstage. I know who’s who in the circle, mingled with them (some of them are still my friends).

I learned the stupidest things. Smoking and drinking booze. I used to be the drunk biyatch who couldn’t stop puking. Embarrassing momento.

The energy, ah men.. I dig gig after gigs. The ultimate happiness. I even met my present boyfriend, and my exes on gigs (noted that I never want them at the very first place).

But then.. The light beamed out. Left one spotlight only for moi. But ain’t nothin good on it.

I felt so strange and everybody are (un)perfect strangers. I felt left out. “This isn’t me.’ quoting myself back then.

Gigs has become pretentious. I no longer able to bear with it. I don’t know what was I doing in that crowd. Even I do love music, I still couldn’t find the real me.

Even when Bjork came to Jakarta, I felt so empty. Like an endless hole. I scream, I laugh, yes I did what common people doing when they watching their favorite musician in stage, live in flesh and blood. But I didn’t happy.

So I stepped back.

Is it because I’m getting old that the phrase ‘if it’s too loud, then you are too old’ fit me perfectly?

Is it because I’m bored?

Is it because I finally know what I love the most?

Why??

And today, while everybody being so enthusiastic about a gig on twitter and bbm (yep! One person kept sending broadcast messages, as if I am idiot enough to know what’s the fuss is all about in one time), I felt like, “What? No biggie for moi. Stop sending the message.”

I never like being around them. Correction, I never like being in a crowd full of hello-and-goodbye friends. Wasting money that I earn so hard. Drunk heavily. Being the coolest and hippie of the hipster.

I rather be here. A small rented room with bunch of dvds. Quiet. No smokes that choking my lungs inside and out. I smoke at the foyer, with a dim of street light. I like this.

And I’m so glad. Really do. When one of my friends, made twitting a lot more interesting today. She’s like the antithesis, of all those people who puking on my time line about the gig and stuff. She’s vocalized my silent grunts.

“Sorry, I’m not *****a hag.” she tweeted (then she deleted it, no worry I’m fully understand why).

My friend’s latest album, “The Comfort Of My Own Company” is the oldie goodie sentences to describe my feeling rit now. I hope someone out there, who’s been complaining about my recent mood about gigs will understand this.

Aaaaah.. Gig, I used to dig you, now I loath you.

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Do you know a show called MTV Getar Cinta?

It was a popular show at 90’s, when I was still in junior and high school. MTV’s the coolest thing, everyone in my age watched the channel. We were called Y Generation. Or X generation, ya? Hahaha.

One of friend from high school got his letter read on VJ Jamie’s show. We are all excited. By the way, til today I’m still a big fan of Jamie Aditya, Nadya Hutagalung and of course the notorious Sarah Sechan.

Well, Sarah Sechan was the original host for MTV Getar Cinta. I love astrology, and this part is the one I’ve always waited. Hihi. Sarah also read letters from the viewers (dummy, I assume).

The one that I always remember is a letter that telling about a jaloux boyfriend. Reason? Because he caught her girlfriend (the letter’s owner) eating bakso (meatball in Bahasa Indonesia) with another guy.

Sarah answered it with her style, she said that no wonder someone got rapid jealousy, coz in Indonesia, eating bakso is like a date. Hahaha. Oh my, that’s so TRUE. Not candle light dinner or another exquisite thingy, it’s meatball, period and that’s what we called A HIGH PRIORITY signs of dating.

Well, 2010 now, and I don’t know for sure if meatball still a hip! Hihi. But tonight, I ate meatball. Bakso Malang, to be spesific. I crave for bakso since noon, I dream of the sour-hot-spicy-fatty sensation on my tongue. I’m officialy lingering for a portion of meatball.

Mission completed. My boyfriend even asked for another portion. 😀

Happy saturday nite, guys :*

It’s easy to know who got the bad press from Mrs. LV.
When you don’t have any e-mail in your inbox from her.

😀

Bimbo
Stupid as a ho

Jumbo
Everything in you is L

Dumbo
All you do is drooling

Welcome aboard, fellas 😀

I feel so light.

I feel so productive.

I feel so right.

I feel so seductive.

“You’re too panic.”

These are what I’ve been hearing from my SuperBoss (recently, this noon, in a private meeting between editors and managing editor after a weekly meeting) –> only a few meeting, usually I have 4-5 meetings –> thought the world should know, C. :p

My art director, Mbak N, witty one, nod her face (digitally on bbm) when I asked her is it true?

Yep. I admit it.
I’m easily tense.

For god’s sake, I dreamt about works.
In every moment, what burdening my head is questions of ‘what to do next?’

Think. Too much.

Not a very pleasant way to spend my time.

Well, couple of days ago, my so called ed-in-chief talking to me about reporters who doesn’t like me. I didn’t feel mad, really do. I just wanna laugh out.

Why?
1. The way they holding their grudge against me and how they handle problem. Such a wee 😀
2. Hey, I ain’t a hater. As what I said before, you may hate me for all wrong reasons, but I won’t hate you for silly reason like you did to me.
3. I’m not guilty. Why should I worried?

But that’s how giant company works. Conflict of interest. Office politics. Money and power. Your strategy how to play these certain obstacles (or opportunity) being tested.

I’m not saying I’m not interested, sure, both the money and gossips are juicy, who wouldn’t like these? I mean we’re human. But, bold this sentences. Doesn’t mean I care enough about these people who screw me in front of my boss to write down them here. I don’t care! For me, my relationship with them are totally professional in work. I’ll be objective, no personal feeling involved.

I just feel so blessed. God’s been answering my pray. All of the questions I had in my head. I sure am, 100% that God showing me who are those people, truly are.

And God leads me to another answer.

Back at the meeting, SuperBoss said, “As a company board manager, I don’t care about rumors. They may hate me. Hell, I don’t work for them, I work for *beep* and it’s my job to make this whole system works.”

Totally. I mean supaah dupaah agree.

Okay, let’s bounce to the very first reason why I write this piece.

Mbak N told me that my occasionally speaking to myself out of nowhere (like saying “fuck” or “aku sedih” or “tai babi emang”) is because (yes, guys) THE TENSE. Yep, I’m one hell of a weirdo.

I need to ease my mind. YES, I NEED THAT. Wait is there any 24 hours store which I could buy un-tense the tense? (I only know dumdum, haha)

She also said that I need to listen. Meaning, not all of my reporters could have my systematic-efficient-work-system. “Even though, THAT PERSON need one,” she said.

I should be more understanding about people and their personalities. I couldn’t weigh boss’s target on to them (although I’m also writing like I used to be, share the same loads). I have to listen. Hard, eh?

Last but not last, Mbak N told me to not think about boss’s judgment, or to be wrong nor failed.

So hard :’)

My whole life, I’ve been dictated my mommy about the importance of good grades. I think it stuck in my head, that I’ve been too care with what other’s thinking about me. I’m afraid to be a failure, I don’t like being lose in a battle, fortunately this make me a tough soldier 🙂 and I’m not a failure, if I got my editor’s license chuncked up, it’s okay. Truly okay with it. Though I need it for my next target of life. But hey, I always work as best as I can do.

Well, thank you SuperBoss and Mbak N. You really made my mind clear enough to walk down the road (again).

Nite, all :*

Dear, you have flies of lies covering your face.
And I hope those sucks you till you run out of blood.

Tiada hari tanpa coffee mix di gelas besar yang terisi air cukup seperempatnya dipenuhi es batu.

Semua racikan Amir, pegawai kantin periode pertama ketika saya menginjakkan kaki di kantor ini. Racikan ini ide dari A, teman kantor, yang memang idenya suka out of the box mengenai menu (hihi sekaligus menyiasati kebosanan dengan menu itu-itu saja).

± 1,5 tahun atau 2 tahun (jika dihitung sejak Kantin Manna ada di kantor), saya dan teman kantor setia memesan kopi seharga 3000 rupiah itu. Kalau ada pegawai kantin baru, kami biasanya bilang, “Pesen kopi yang kayak Amir, ya!”

Dari situ, kami berkenalan dengan Rois dan Reno. Haha, mungkin mereka menganggap kesialan menimpa mereka ketika kami menanyakan namanya. Soalnya, habis itu, sering dimintai tolong membuatkan dan membawa pesanan menu bertubi-tubi.

Saya suka mereka, terutama Amir.
Baik, senyum terus, dan cekatan. Sampai-sampai, waktu Idul Fitri, kami patungan memberi THR pada Amir.

Lalu, Kantin Manna diganti dengan kantin baru. No more Amirbucks 😦 saya bahkan tidak sempat berpamitan karena dihimpit deadline dan perayaan syukuran hari jadi kantor. Selama dua hari, kepikiran para pegawai kantor. “Mereka gimana nasibnya..”

Tahunya, tadi siang, saya berpapasan dengan Rois di lift. Haduh, senang dan sedih rasanya. Ternyata Rois, Reno, dan Amir melamar ke kantor kami menjadi Tenaga Bantu (TB).

Alhamdulillah.

Dan kejutan belum berakhir. Sesi pemotretan griya sore ini ternyata dibantu oleh Rois :))
Jadilah saya asyik mengobrol dengan dia. Hihi. Ternyata dia orang Tegal, kost di depan kantor, dan memutuskan untuk kerja jadi TB, “Yah, daripada nganggur.”

Haaaaaah.. Senangnya hatiku, my favorite “barista” sekarang sudah kerja lagi. Alhamdulillah 🙂

p.s.: judul di atas diberikan karena rasa kopi buatan Amir dkk mirip dengan Starbucks. 😀

Digital world in 20th century, oh how I adore you
With a single “:” and “)” or maybe three things like T_T
Everykind of emotion come in handy

Smiley takes sorta feelin to a different stage.

Angry at someone? Feeling dissapointed? But still have that “enggak-enakan” urge?
Put a smiley after nagging, no one will feel offended. Coz smiley translating this into different point of view.
Ease yours and mine.

I (“v”) smiley.

Life is never easy.

Yeah, you know that. I know that. In fact, everyone in the whole world know that for sure.

Maybe, the heiress herself, *cough*, Paris Hilton has her own trouble. Maybe she has zits on her booty, or she couldn’t fart. Who knows, rite?

And here I am. 25 years old. Common people (according to my teenage model, who referring herself as ‘orang berada’). Struggling for decent future life. Blablabla.

As a common people live in a modern vibrant city with different people. Some act friendly, while some full of shit, or maybe kind of back-stabber. Oh wait, weirdo, ice-queen, super lame joke type and so on.

Just like evolution theory, or maybe mutualism symbiotic, people choose people to be friend with. Of course, those who are on the list, has some categories to be fit in. One by one they gone, and voila, ‘best friends’ or ‘sahabat’ made of.

It’s impossible you pick someone who has nothing in common in you.
It could be: hobby, way of thinking, physical attraction, anything.. That makes you comfy in the zone sharing and spending time with them.

It means = there are some people left in your life. They got cut out, not ‘cute enough’ to be your friend. They are just another people passing by in your life, even your eyes won’t notice. If you look like care enough with them, it’s only a matter of ethics. People live here, no matter how individualistic they are, we are still care to ‘bother’ other’s problemo.

Okay, so come again..
Why life is uneasy?

It’s easy when you decide not to like people.
It’s NOT easy dealing with people who don’t like you.

Especially for moi.
I’m a thinker, haha, meaning: I tend to think a lot about unimportant stuffs.

But then, we don’t have any rights to push people liking us. We’re not angels or god, errrr, eventually there are human who hate god.

It doesn’t feel good when you feel that negative vibration, full-of-hate face, unfriendly voice.

But I have to deal with it.
I don’t want my life ruinned or disturbed just because one-two-three-100 people doesn’t like me.

My life is precious.
I never had bad intention for people around me. I believe in good deeds. So yeah, you may hate me for all-wrong-reasons, but if I were happen to make mistakes upon you, do share it with me. I’m all open wide, baby.. Hehe.

In the end, not everyone will like you.
But, so what if you hate me? I have an amazing life I should be thankful for, and having you in my life as colours that burst onto my canvas of fate and inspiration to write this post.

Smooches :*

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